The ER visit was expensive and I am now in debt to the hospital. So if anyone has any paying audio work I could do, please don't hesitate to get in touch, it would mean so much.

Once in the ER I had my weight checked (it's steadily going down... Lost 5 pounds in the past week. I was already a thin 6'0, 154. Now I'm 149).

Then I sat in the waiting room for 3 hours, half awake and trying to stay positive to ward off the stomach cramps (which were like an animal that could sense any negative thought).

After that came the gown and bed, urine sample (more diarrhea), then the nurse started an IV. It took four tries. I joked that if I closed my eyes, I couldn't tell which arm it was in. Both arms are still bruised, but the hole the IV was in is black and blue around the edges with a raised bump near the elbow.

So I lay in the bed shivering (it was very cold in there, and the room was close to the exit) until the doctor came in and talked to me, told me what was going on, and put some medicine into the IV to settle my stomach (that was the best part, because the cramps were gone in a matter of seconds and never came back that bad again).

All told, I didn't get out of there ER until 9:00 PM (went in around 11:00 AM). The bill came to $250, which was a shock because I was told beforehand that it wasn't going to be more than the usual co-pay. So many people told me to go to the ER (including the advice nurse) that I think I was tricked into paying more for something that Urgent Care would have been able to take care. I was already barely scraping by...*sigh*

So the second biggest shock yesterday was that I don't have Ulcerative Colitis, which I'd been diagnosed with in 2007. I have Crohn's disease. That means that I have entered the world of hospitals, doctors, and nurses and will never know a life without them. A diagnosis of Crohn's is a life-changer, but it's not like I was active in sports or doing a lot of traveling. It changes some things, but mostly confirms what I already knew: I'll always be sick, and this is not going away. It can go into remission, but it can and will be as bad as it just was. That's kind of blighting...But with all that comes empathy for anyone else in the situation. I'm planning to join a support group for people who have this. Even so, I'm not making it the center focus of life. I can still write...Maybe it's time to work on a book.

In the meantime, I know some of the folks who have picked on me recently have medical problems as bad or worse than my own. I hope they find something to do that takes their mind off of it without taking their frustrations out on strangers. I know what it's like to lash out at people you don't know just because you aren't feeling good. While I don't do that anymore, I can see why some do it. It doesn't improve your symptoms, it just makes you forget about them for awhile. I'm finding that being kind to everyone you meet gives you the best of both worlds. If it weren't for my friend who drove me to the hospital (and later the train stop because the hospital was closed), I might not have gone yesterday. She is the shining example of the kindness that seems to radiate from a person who has been through far worse than this. She kept me calm throughout.

That's the kind of human I want to be; someone who helps people instead of hurting them.